Thank you friends and perverted voyeurs for following
Nicole and me in our on-going series, Gay Vs. Straight. We bring you our final edition after weeks of
illusions and trickery, Gay Vs. Straight:
The Reveal. Who is Chris? Who is Pat?
Did their responses to deep, probing questions clue you in to their
sexual preferences? Was it obvious which
one was the homo and which one was the hetero when they discussed their spooning habits or their thoughts about afterbirth? It is time to validate your suspicions right
here and now! And after the Big Reveal,
we’re going to answer a few more questions as our big, revealed selves.
As per usual, you’ll find questions and answers on each of our blogs, so be sure to visit the other.
In an effort to sustain the tease, I now give you links to all the previous posts in case you need to refresh your memory or read any entries you may have missed.
As per usual, you’ll find questions and answers on each of our blogs, so be sure to visit the other.
In an effort to sustain the tease, I now give you links to all the previous posts in case you need to refresh your memory or read any entries you may have missed.
Good? Caught up? Excellent.
I shan’t delay a moment longer.
PAT = NICOLE of NinjaMomBlog
CHRIS = DEBORAH of Peaches & Coconuts
Did you know all along?
Was that the funnest game you’ve played since that one time in college
when you were drunk and someone pulled out a Twister mat?!?
We had a great time interviewing each other for your
pleasure, and we’d like to end the series with a few more questions as our
actual selves. And here, for the last
time unless you give us a standing ovation in which case we’ll have to come
back for more, are our final questions and answers.
* * * * *
Question: What turned you gay?
Answer: Vaginas.
In the game of shoot, shag or marry, Player A presents Player B with three people. From these three
people (be they hideous or hot, animated or real, dead or alive), Player B must
decide which one B would marry, shag and shoot. It’s a game that can potentially
cause a great deal of stress if given unbearable options, but we tried to take
a light-hearted approach.
Question: Shoot, shag
or marry Danny, Jesse and Joey from
Full House?
Answer: You would think I’d want to marry Danny because he had been
married already and, therefore, was not unknowing to the intricacies and
challenges of wedded life. However, he
has a dead wife and kids from the dead wife, which spells an awful lot of
baggage. So, he is not an obvious choice
for a husband, and I have to start with someone else.
Joey is a comedian, so it would make sense to wed a comedian
who is able to maintain a good sense of humor in the face of adversity. However, comedians are oft times using humor
to cope with deep-seeded anger and dark mindedness. And who needs two people in a relationship
vying for the comedic spotlight? Someone
has to be the straight man, so to speak.By commercial standards, Jesse is the cutest of the three (in the 80s), so you’d think he’d be my shag. But if I have to shag outside my preferred gender, I don’t need cute. I need able. That brings me back to Danny who, in real life, is a kinky, sick mutha-effah who is known for his foul sense of humor. I won’t even link to my evidence, but if you are not sensitive about ANYTHING and if you are not currently eating, Google Bob Saget Atristocrats, and put your headphones on. I apologize ahead of time. While I should be concentrating on Danny the character and not Bob the actor, I can’t help but be influenced by what I can never unknow and that is that Bob Saget is foul, and I kind of like that in a shag. So I’ve got my shag.
Marry and shoot.
Now, Jesse is Greek, and while I don’t care for olives or feta,
I do have a soft spot in my heart for the Mediterranean peoples (see Italian
wife, Gabriella). I’m thinking we’ll
share the same love for fine dining and beach vacations, and we’ll probably
ogle the same women and share hair product.
So, I’ll just have to shoot Joey. Sorry Joey.
I would have preferred to shoot eegit supreme, Mike Seaver.
* * * * *
Challenge: Surprise (or not so surprising) ! You have won the Nobel Peace Prize for the 'Gay Vs. Straight' series. Please deliver
your acceptance speech in the form of a limerick.
There once were two bloggers comedic
Who tackled tough questions with great shtick.
They tried to reveal
How straights and gays feel
Showing similarities no matter whom they lick.
Don't forget to check out Nicole's blog for the answers to her questions now that she's an out heterosexual, and thank you for tuning in and playing along.
Not bad for a
month's worth of work. We cracked wise, explored poetic forms, discussed
divorce, and fake-won a prize we have no business even writing about, never
mind pretending to accept it in limerick.
But
more importantly, and we think we can all agree on this, we've added not a
whit of sense to the marriage equality debate. Unless we've helped you, Gentle
Readers, to realize that people are people, so why should it be that you and I
should get along so awfully? You can thank us later for the Depeche Mode on
repeat in your head.
Whether you
live in a blue state, a red state, or a state of confusion, we hope that
one thing has become clear: gay or straight, no one thinks Coors
Light is a real beer. It's foamy skunk water, and no matter how neat it would
be to have a bullet train usher in a freak snowstorm in August, no one should
drink Coors Light.
Changing minds
about Depeche Mode, Coors Light and marriage equality, one bad punchline after
another. You're welcome, George Takei.
Don't forget to check out Nicole's blog for the answers to her questions now that she's an out heterosexual, and thank you for tuning in and playing along.












