Asher has been using the toilet since May 11. I only know this because Asher was to be a ring bearer at Brooke White & Robert Sorrell's wedding over Memorial Day weekend, and I thought it best if he were wearing underwear under his tuxedo. We had 2 weeks to make it happen. He took to it well. He seemed a bit old at the age of 3 ½ to use the standard methods; showing the dolly how to use the toilet, putting stickers on the potty, etc. I just stripped him of his diapers and took him to the toilet constantly and bribed him with lots of M&Ms. And I did what I thought would be challenging in a house with 2 Mommies-I taught him how to wee standing up.
I say I taught him because there was no team work involved. One day I said to Gabriella, “Ok, I suffered through sleep training for both children on my own. Now YOU can do the toilet training. I’ll follow through with whatever you put in place, but you've got to run the show.” She couldn’t protest after what she put me through during sleep training. All the books say that it’s better for the non-nursing partner to settle the baby at night so that baby doesn’t smell the milk and insist on eating. Good intentions and all that, it didn’t happen. Gabriella felt that, instead, she was much better suited for the role of second-guesser, neigh-sayer and chastiser. If the baby cried for longer than 20 seconds, she would say, “How long are you planning to let him cry? Do you really think this is necessary?” The books did not tell me that my partner would be the most torturous part of sleep training.
It’s difficult enough to listen to the crying and wondering – hmmm, when did he eat last? Did he really get enough to eat? Maybe he should have a little bit more? Maybe he’s not really ready to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if I just fed him and put him right back to sleep? All this would be running through my mind while Gabriella would give me the look that said, "Have you no heart? So cold. So cruel. How could you??" I had to forbid her from even looking at me during the night so that I could do what I needed to do. And before any of you people start casting your stones out of your glass houses, please note that my children sleep long and hard and wake up happy.
Left to Gabriella, Asher remained in diapers. I would have to tackle this one, too. I seem to have done well with M&Ms and Diego underwear. Pooping is still somewhat of an issue. Eventually, Asher does poop in the toilet, but he’ll wait for a few days until he’s so uncomfortable that he has no choice but to go. He’ll jump up and down and start speaking in tongues and wait for the feeling to pass until the urge takes over again. This will go on for a few days. He’ll eat less and misbehave more-all because he doesn’t want to let go. After a few days, a number of fruit smoothies and boxes of raisins, he agrees to sit on the toilet. I talk him through it and help him face his fears. It’s very much like labor. It is getting a little bit easier as time goes on. I know that one day he’ll look forward to quality time in the loo with a good book. He can already go to the bathroom on his own but I tend to supervise as he can’t resist unrolling all the toilet paper.
Now that he was in underwear, we had to get him to take those rings to the groom. He flipped out during rehearsal and refused to walk down the aisle as we had practiced so many times at home. Nothing could convince him to do it. We resigned ourselves to the fact that Asher would not be able to serve as ring bearer. The bride & the groom and the rest of the wedding party agreed that it was a shame that Asher would not walk down the aisle. We were all disappointed but everyone understood that the task was a big one for such a little boy and the wedding would not be any less perfect.
The next day, while we were getting ready, Asher had a fit because he didn’t want to wear his tuxedo. Then he didn’t want to wear his tuxedo shoes. And then he didn’t want to wear the boutonniere. Somehow, we made it to the ceremony and agreed that Mom (I) would launch Asher down the aisle and Mommy (Gabriella) would be there for him on the other end in our seats-with a bag of M&Ms. As we waited for what seemed like hours outside the doors to the ceremony, Asher realized that something big was happening. While we stood in the line behind each member of the wedding party, Asher's face melted slowly and then he burst into tears. “I WANT MOMMY!” He screamed while gasping for breath. He was petrified. The wedding planner immediately had her lackey fetch Gabriella from her seat. Mommy stood with Asher while Mom took her place on the receiving end. The time had come. The odds were not good, and all bets had been placed that Asher would not make it on his own if at all. Even his mothers took that bet. Mommy looked at Asher and said, “Do you want me to walk with you down the aisle?” “No. I want to do it by myself.” Asher walked slowly and purposefully down the aisle. He presented the rings and gave the groom a big hug. Mom and Mommy bawled the entire time and managed to take only 1 photo. He was such a big boy; underwear and all.
Asher sat in his seat and ate his M&Ms. He sat quietly during the entire ceremony because he knew that a big present was waiting for him at home for his successful walk down the aisle and quiet time in his chair during the service. If anyone has kids and hasn’t discovered Quadrilla, we highly recommend it! (http://www.fatbraintoys.com) Thank goodness for M&Ms. Thank goodness for Quadrilla. And thank goodness he didn’t have to poop.
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