Mazel Tov, Olympians!

The Olympics is kicking my ass. We have a DVR, but I still can’t resist staying up until all hours watching. Where were you when Michael Phelps won his 7th gold? We were cheering him on from our sofa. But we weren’t just cheering for Michael. This gold was a team win. And who for the 2nd time locked the gold for team U.S.A? The Jew. Lezak! I can’t help it. My parents did this to me, and their parents did this to them, and their parents, well you get the idea. All minority groups pass on THE LIST to their children. We are all able to name all the Jews in Hollywood, all the Jews in politics and all the Jews in sports. The Gays do it. The Latin Americans do it. I know the Italians and the Greeks do it. The Estonians probably do it, too. We all want to know that we can be anything we want to be and that there are those who have already paved the way. We are proud of our people. Who isn’t proud of their own?

I don’t know a single Jew whose parents didn’t say to them, “Of course Jews are good athletes! Just look at Mark Spitz!” Every time Michael Phelps is compared to Mark Spitz, you know that Jews all over the U.S. are recalling THE LISTS, adding names and passing them on to their children.

Just in case your list is out of date, here is a list of all the Jews in the 2008 Olympics:

United States
Fencing, Women
Sada Jacobson, saber

Kayaking
Rami Zur, 500-meter individual

Swimming, Men
Jason Lezak, 100-meter freestyle, relays
Garrett Weber-Gale, 100 freestyle, relays
Ben Wildman-Tobriner, 50 freestyle, relays

Swimming, Women
Dara Torres, 50-meter freestyle
Track and Field, Women
Deena Kastor, marathon

Israel
Artistic Gymnastics, Men
Alex Shatilov, all-around

Canoeing, Men
Michael Koganov, K-1 500 and 1000 meters

Fencing, Men
Tomer Or, foil

Fencing, Women
Dalilah Hatuel, foil
Noam Mills, epee

Judo, Men
Ariel Ze’evi, 100 kg
Gal Yekutiel, 60 kg

Judo, Women
Alice Schlezinger, 63 kg

Rhythmic Gymnastics, Individual
Ira Risenzon
Neta Rivkin

Rhythmic Gymnastics, Team
Kayta Pizatzki
Racheli Vidgorcheck
Maria Savnakov
Alona Dvorinchenko
Veronica Witberg

Sailing, Men
Gidi Klinger and Udi Gal, 470
Shahar Tzuberi, windsurfing

Sailing, Women
Vered Buskila and Nika Kornitzky, 470
Nufar Eledman, laser radial
Ma’ayan Davidovich, windsurfing

Shooting
Doron Egozi, 50-meter rifle 3, 10-meter air rifle
Gil Simkovich, 50-meter rifle 3, 50-meter rifle prone
Guy Starik, 50-meter rifle prone

Swimming, Men
Itay Chama, 200-meter breaststroke
Gal Nevo, 200 and 400 individual medely
Guy Barnea, 100 breaststroke
Tom Be’eri, 100 and 200 breaststroke
Alon Mandel, 100 and 200 butterfly
Nimrod Shapira Bar-Or, 200 freestyle

Swimming, Women
Anya Gostamelsky, 50 and 100 freestyle, 100 backstroke, 100 butterfly
Synchronized Swimming
Anastasia Gloushkov and Ina Yoffe, duet

Taekwondo
Bat-El Getterer, 57 kg

Tennis, Men
Andy Ram and Yoni Erlich, doubles

Tennis, Women
Shahar Peer, singles
Tzipora Obziler, doubles with Peer

Track and Field, Men
Alex Averbukh, pole vault
Niki Palli, long jump
Haile Satayin, marathon
Itai Magidi, 3000-meter steeplechase

Argentina
Hockey, Women
Gisele Kanevsky

Judo, Women
Daniela Krakower

Swimming, Men
Damian Blaum

Weightlifting, Women
Nora Koppel

Table Tennis
Pablo Tabachnik

Australia
Table Tennis
David Zalcberg

Canada
Baseball
Adam Stern

Wrestling
David Zilberman, 96 kg
Ari Taub, 120 kg plus

Chile
Tennis, Men
Nicolas Massu

Great Britain
Rowing
Josh West

New Zealand
Rowing
Nathan Cohen

Thank you Jason Lezak, Dara Torres, Garrett Weber-Gale and Sada Jacobson for making us proud!

JEW-S-A! JEW-S-A!

When it’s late at night, my mind starts to wander during commercials. Are we the only country that holds our hands over our hearts during the national anthem? How does Michael Phelps keep his swim trunks from falling down that last dangerous centimetre? Does Michael Phelps’s mother remind anyone of Nathan Lane in The Birdcage?? Lay off! She's a wonderful mother. Finally, how do all the female gymnasts prevent camel toe?


http://www.cameltoe.org