Rachel and Ron

My sister called me while I was writing the last blog.

Me: “I’m mid-blog.”
Rachel: “Ok but let me give you some material.”
Me: “Do I need to take notes?”
Rachel: “I will repeat it all later for you if you like.”
Me: “Can I call you back in 5 minutes because I’m literally on the last paragraph.”
Rachel: “How many minutes because I’m mid-movie”
Me: “What movie are you watching that you can’t take a minute?”
Rachel: “27 Dresses”
Me: “Oh dear God.”
Rachel: “It’s not about the movie it’s about Ron and the popcorn!”
Me: “Ok, shoot.”
Rachel: “Ok, so we’re watching the movie, and I stop in the middle of…”
Me: “Wait, I’m writing.”
Rachel: “I don’t know how to tell this story and stop every 3 words, Deborah. Do you have a tape recorder? Ron, get your recorder!”
Me: “Never mind. I’ll write faster.”

Rachel: “Ok, so we stop in the middle of the movie, and I look at him and he says, ‘What?’ I’m waiting for him to say that it was time for popcorn, but he just says, ‘What?’ I just kept staring at him, and when he couldn’t figure it out, I pressed PLAY. 10 minutes later, I press PAUSE, and I look at him and he says ‘What? Do you need to go the bathroom? Use your big girl words.’ I pressed play again. I told him, ‘I’m going to keep doing this until you figure it out.’ He said nothing, so I pressed PLAY. 10 minutes later, I pressed PAUSE again, and he says, ‘You’re really starting to bug me!’ And I said, ‘Well, good! Now you know how I feel. Really, Ron, you want for nothing? And he said, ‘Rachel is there something YOU want?’ So I said, ‘Never mind. I don’t love you. I hate you. And we’re not having sex.’ I pressed PLAY again. So I thought we were going to move on, but I really wanted the damn popcorn. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. And I pressed PAUSE again and I said, ‘Seriously? Seriously? You don’t want popcorn? Last night you wanted popcorn, and we didn’t have any, and NOW we’re watching a movie that begs for popcorn and you don’t want any? Are you trying to mix things up a little? This is where you choose to insert variety in your life?’ He’s laughing at me the whole time, and he says, ‘I win. I knew you wanted popcorn, but I was waiting for YOU to say it.’"

Me: “Good for him. You’re so passive-aggressive.”
Rachel: “I hate you, too.”
Me: “So what did you do?”
Rachel: “I PUNCHED him so hard that he fell on to the floor."
Me: “I don’t know if I can use this. So how’s the movie?”
Rachel: “It’s cute.”