Asher is 5

I know it has been a long day when I start tearing at a pet adoption commercial. It wasn’t even one of those abused-dog-in-cardboard box-outside-in rain kind of commercials. There was a woman trying to bond with her newly adopted dog by playing catch with the dog’s favourite ball. After many unretreived tosses, the woman surrenders and lays back on the floor, and the dog picks up the ball, brings it over to the woman and drops it at her side. Bonded. Tears. I’m not even on the blob. I’m just a Mom whose hormones will forever be on overdrive since having kids – especially after one of our children’s birthday parties.

Today was that party. Asher is 5. We spent his actual birthday at the Liberty Science Center in Jersey City. It was the perfect day for Asher. Gabriella stayed home from work, Asher stayed home from school, and we spent a great afternoon exploring the museum as a family. We could have called it quits right there, and Asher would have been very happy, but I made the executive decision to have the pre-school party and invite everyone in his class to celebrate with us.

If you are new reader-first of all welcome! Vítejte! Isten hozott! Baruch haba! Merhaba! Benvenuto! Dobro pozhalovat! Swaagatam! If you are a new reader, you may not be aware that Asher is not a very social person. He’s not very social-with other children that is. He adores grown-ups and would be more than delighted to spend all of his time with adults and void of a single child as far as he could see. But I knew that Asher would be invited to all of the other birthday parties in his class, and I also do feel that it is good for him to socialize with the other children in spite of himself. But did I have to test the very fabric of his being with a loud-mouthed, in-your-face, classless boob who makes balloon creations while insulting his audience? Did he really have to make a fart-joke for every goddamn balloon hat he produced for every 4 year old?

But the kids loved it. They squealed and shrieked for joy for a solid hour. Pre-school screams are absolutely deafening. And that is the mark of a successful party-for everyone but Asher. The louder everyone yelled and the more balloons popped randomly throughout the afternoon, the more he recoiled. He was feeling pretty fragile by cake time. What have I done? I’ve been breaking it down since we got home. Truth be told, he wasn’t a bad entertainer. In fact, he was funny and incredibly talented. Balloons as art. Who knew? He may have simply been more appropriate for an older crowd. Or maybe I’m just kidding myself. Maybe we just forego the party next year and screw suburban party protocol.

Asher did get some wonderful, thoughtful gifts from his friends. He might be tempted to suffer a full-on party just for the loot. I’ll have to take his lead. Of course, he gets plenty spoiled by his family. His godmother was kind enough to get him a Gassy Gus game for his birthday. I do believe she did it just to spite me knowing how I loathe all words and references to flatulence. I’ll be getting her back in a damning blog in the future when she’s least expecting it. Not to fear. In the meantime, Asher will play the fart-game. I will pretend that it is hilariously funny. And we will remember how much fun all of his friends had at his party.



The boys are in bed. Gabriella cracked open a beer, and I had a very tall glass of wine. Levi’s birthday, done last month. Asher’s birthday, done. But there’s no rest for the wicked. We’re hosting Thanksgiving for 12. My sister’s coming to town. I’m anticipating lots of blogging material. Tune in.