Sunday, February 1, 2009
Why Gabriella needs to get a job
Gabriella: Deborah!! Can you come in here and hand me a new roll of toilet paper?
Deborah: Are you stuck in the lav without toilet paper?!? I should make you get it yourself for all the times you have left me with 2 squares of toilet paper left of the roll.
G: Can you just--
D: Yes, but you’re just going to have to wait. You can air-dry while I’m getting dressed. (I walk into the bathroom and show Gabriella how I slowly and methodically thread my arm into the looooong sleeve of my shirt)
G: Can you please?
D: Yes, but not only do I have to fetch a new roll AGAIN, but I’m going to have to physically replace it myself as you insist on ignoring my requests to insert the roll so that the paper is dispensing from the top of the instead of from the underside of the roll.
D: I know that when we first got together, I was a proponent of the under-sided hang, but I have learned the error of my ways and have tried tirelessly to convince you to follow suit.
G: I don’t pay attention to how I insert the roll when I...
D: But you so RARELY actually replace the toilet paper yourself that I can confidently report that you hang the roll the wrong way EVERY time. I have no choice, therefore, but to believe that you are purposeful in your defiance. I can also tell you that you have never replaced a roll AND separated that first square from the roll. It’s a matter of courtesy to lift the toilet paper from the glued strip before anyone else has to struggle with that first square. Would you replace the tape in its dispenser without feeding the tape to the blade? Most likely, you would not.
G: Uh huh.
D: And it’s not enough that you completely discount my repeated petitions, but I’ve told you time and time again that hanging toilet paper so that the top sheet hangs over the roll prevents paper wastage and is, therefore, economical more and green.
G: Can you please hand me the toilet paper.