Chip off the old block

Last night, I parked them in front of the teemee as Levi calls it earlier than usual for evening wind-down with Dora. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I wasn’t in a very crafty, interactive, resourceful, motherly kind of mood. Come to think of it, I’m rarely in a very crafty, interactive, resourceful or motherly kind of mood. But usually, I can get us from dinner to bath to bed with few headaches. Not yesterday.

Part of the issue is that I’m out of practice. Gabriella has been home full-time since December, and we have attacked childcare with a divide and conquer approach to activities. You do dinner. I’ll do bath. You put this one to bed. I’ll put that one to bed, etc. Today, Gabriella was out all day and beyond bed time. Mostly, I loved every minute of it. I had my house back to do (or not do) as I pleased. I set the schedule, and I even managed to get out of the house and keep us all entertained. The hours flew. But, by the end of the day, the three of us were tired-especially Asher. And when Asher is tired, the clock stops, and we suffer every minute until bed together. A perfectly good day ruined by incessant whining and complaining that grates my every nerve to shreds. Pure torture.

I love Asher more than I could ever anticipate loving anyone. He is a part of me and carries my heart with him wherever he goes. I needed to provide that disclaimer before also mentioning that if Gabriella and I were ever to break up, instead of messing around with complicated visitation schedules, I'm splitting up the boys. I’m taking Levi and calling it a day. WHAT?

Are you mortified? Oh relax. It’s not true. Besides, Gabriella and I are in this for the long haul. We both come from homes where the word “divorce” was a dirty word. Divorce was as inconceivable in our families as a happy-go-lucky French film or a good hair day in Miami. Gabriella and I both believe that even though we may grow to loathe each other over the years, our union is forever. What can I say? We’re romantics that way.

The thing is, I see so much of myself in Asher, and there are some uncomfortable truths I’m forced to face whenever we’re together. No, not that I suck both of my thumbs at the same time though I am orally inclined... The things that frustrate me most about him are the things that I h-word about myself. Note: I’m forever in awe of my sister Rachel’s ability to keep the words “hate” and “stupid” out of her house. If she ever wants to use those words when we’re on the phone, it’s “h-word” or “s-word” which I have since adopted...sometimes.

Things I h-word about myself that I see in Asher. I’m risk averse. I shut down and obsess when I’m embarrassed. I get distracted by minutia. Crowds make me anxious. It takes me a long time to learn new things. I could watch television all day long. I pick at my cuticles...a lot. Routine makes me feel in control and safe. I always follow the rules. My mother never tired of telling me how mercilessly I whined as a child. It clearly affected her in the same way Asher’s whining affects me. I h-word the whining!

Levi is our little monster. He loves to scream as long and loudly as possible just for the sake of screaming.

He throws his toys and kicks his brother-and sometimes small dogs. He likes to cover himself in dirt. He would rather eat food on the floor than from his plate. Lately, his favourite thing to do is run at us – or any other grown up – at full throttle only to be stopped by the collision of his hard, little head and someone’s pubic bone. “SAH-WEE!” He squeals as soon as he’s made impact knowing that he will be forgiven upon delivering an immediate apology. He is stereotypically toddler male, yet I have endless patience for his antics. He’s as charming and hilarious as he is naughty, and he makes me laugh.

Levi ripping up Gabriella's Vanity Fair


Asher is playing a video game while I write. “Mom?” “Yes, Asher?” “I love you.” “I love you, too, sweetheart.” Neither one of us looks up from our respective monitors. We often declare our love for each other during random moments of the day. He’s a good boy. Levi is now screaming from his bedroom awake from his nap. “MAAAAAMAAAAA!!!!! GET DOWN!! GET DOWN!!” I kiss Asher on the forehead and run up the steps to get my obscenely loud toddler.