Cool is in the eye of the beholder

As we were rounding up our things for a night out, keys, wallet, cell phones, our babysitter confessed that her friends think we are so cool because we’re always going out to do cool things even though we’ve got kids. “They’re local tonight,” she tells her friends who like to keep tabs on the cool things we do and the cool people we see. As a kid, my obsession with cool was long and deep because as you may have already established, I have never been cool. Tough to be in with the in-crowd in the 80s with a head of Flashdance permed hair, glasses and braces on top of a pre-pubescent, skinny body - a walking caricature.

This isn’t about my painful journey as an awkward child overcoming adversity to become the fabulous connoisseseuse of cool that I am - mostly because I’m still pretty, well, queer. I just don’t think in terms of cool anymore, and I can’t remember the last time that I did. I don’t even know what it means to be cool. When you’re a kid, it’s easy. There are rules regarding fashion, music, sports and how much freedom your parents give you to act like a complete git. As far as I can tell, there are no such rules in the suburbs of New Jersey or if there are, my Guide to Cool obviously was lost in the mail.

I can look at other people in my little community and marvel at their sense of style or envy their finished basements or imagine the daily lives of people with super interesting careers. But, does any of that spell COOL? Apparently, according to the friends of our sitter at Seton Hall – HEY PIRATES! – we are mo-fo cool (ok, the mo-fo is mine) because we go out and do fun things. We go into Manhattan. We stay out late. We even go out during the week. I guess that’s cool. It certainly doesn’t suck.

Take last night, for example. We went to a reading at our local library to see Marian Fontana read from her book A Widow’s Walk and her new book The Middle of the Bed. New York Times reporter, Tina Kelly moderated a discussion with Marian, and Marian answered questions from the audience. A Widow’s Walk is the memoir Marian wrote after her fire fighter husband, David, was killed during the 9/11 attacks. It’s a fantastic book because Marian has the ability to make you laugh through your tears and feel uplifted and inspired in the face of tragedy-no easy feat, I say. I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend either. Honest!



Marian's new book, The Middle of the Bed, is out in September and from the few pages she read, I know it’s going be fantastic. What isn’t tragically funny about dating again after 20 years of being off the market and having to introduce yourself as a widow and single mother? Good times.

Deborah! Enough with the plugging!! That’s NOT the kind of plugging we like to hear you talk about!” I know, I know. I just can’t help promoting the amazing talents of my friends. There are those who can and there are those who can’t. And those who can’t, promote, right? “But Deborah! You’re not one of those who can’t. You’re enormously talented, and we love reading everything you write. Why, a day without your blog is like a day without sunshine.” Wait, did you just say that or did that come from those voices in my head again? Note to self: if they sound like they’re about to start singing Follow the Yellow Brick Road, they are not real people, and you have probably forgotten to take your meds.

Congratulations to Marian on a wonderful night at the library where you entertained and inspired and gave good book. Congratulations to Lucila McElroy, founder of MOMentum, who had the good sense to invite our friend Marian to do a reading for the MOMentum members and its community. Well done to Tina Kelly for thought provoking questions and conversation. And thanks to the Maplewood Library for co-sponsoring the reading and continuing to provide quality events like the Local Blogging Panel, for example.

What is cool? Well, my friends are cool, that’s for sure. Some of them do interesting things and some of them make me laugh and all of them are incredibly hot (because they'd kill me if I didn't say so), but mostly they make me feel good about myself, and I hope I do the same for them. Now that’s cool. And so is Leather Tuscadero.