The ick of sick

Yesterday, Asher woke up moaning at 4:30AM. I waited knowing in my heart that bad things were about to happen. A few moments later, the toilet flushed and he came into our room with the announcement that he had thrown up on the rug. It was important to him that he tell me exactly where the regurgitation occurred so that I could get rid of any evidence. After all chunkage was removed to his satisfaction, he joined us in our bed with the caveat that if he needed to throw up again, he had to go to the bathroom. I’m sure somewhere in the back of my head, I knew that my words evaporated as soon as they were spoken and that Asher’s brain was not receiving any form of instruction. Sure enough, 6:30AM, more. On the pillows. On the sheets. Luckily narrowly missing my hair.

I recall cleaning up after our dogs when I was a kid. I remember coming very close to losing it every time the chore fell to me to do. Few things are more disgusting to me than someone else’s (or some dog’s) vomit-especially if I’m the one who has to clean up. I’m gagging just thinking about it.

Poor Asher was miserable. I tried to contain my selfish, evil thoughts that expose the anti-mom within who will never be nominated for Mother of the Year (and I'm ok with that).

- I JUST washed these sheets!

- Do we have to cancel our plans tonight??

- We’ve got enough medication to knock him out, don’t we? He can be sick and asleep for us or sick and asleep for a sitter. What’s the diff?

- How many times is he going to get sick this winter? It’s enough already!

- Next time he refuses to make his way to the bathroom, he’s cleaning it up himself.

The upside to illness is that I can park him in front of the television and not feel guilty about it. What? And the dulcet tones of children's programming lulled him into a wee nap. It was a sad day for Asher and a sad day for our laundress (that would be yours truly). But, we did end up giving him a splash of medicine before bed, and we did end up going out. I prayed between dinner courses that the gods would not descend upon us and punish us for leaving him. But they were kind this time, and he slept all night.

Today, Asher was right as rain. Hooray! He ate all of his meals with gusto, and I had to tell him that it made me hungry just watching him eat.

D: Asher! I’m so hungry. I don’t think I had enough at dinner. I’m going to have to eat you up because you look so delicious!

A: NO!

D: Aw, c’mon! How about if I only eat your toes? They’re only little.

A: NOOOOO!!!

D: Ok, I’ll just eat your knees. They look pretty yummy.

A: NOOOOO!!!

D: Tell you what. I’ll eat your elbows. You don’t really use them for anything, do you?

A: EAT MOMMY INSTEAD!

D: That’s an excellent idea, Asher. I’ll be sure to tell her you said so.

He's a good kid, that Asher.