Our friends the DRAMA BOTTOMS

It’s been a subject of conversation on a number of occasions. Are some people born unlucky? Of course not, right? That would be to say that black clouds follow designated people and rain on them constantly. I can’t subscribe to that notion. That’s not to say that people don’t seek out those clouds and run towards them just as they are about to explode with storm-without umbrellas no less. Distinctions must be made. There are those who face challenge after challenge that have nothing to do with anything they have said or done. They experience more than their share of bad luck but it is not of the pre-determined variety. Then there are the others-the DRAMA BOTTOMS. The what?!?

It may not be a familiar term, but you most likely have a few DRAMA BOTTOMS in your life. Let us deconstruct the phrase for a comprehensive understanding.

DRAMA. According to The Free Dictionary, a prose or verse composition, especially one telling a serious story, that is intended for representation by actors impersonating the characters and performing the dialogue and action. OR A real life event that unfolds like theatre. Death, betrayal, passion, tragedy, deception-all real life events worthy of theatre.

BOTTOM. Go ahead. Get your sillies out, and think of all the synonyms for bottom. Ass, tushy, bum, butt, derrière, backside, trunk, rear-end, rump, booty, hiney. Finished? In this particular instance, I’m talking about the gay homosexual kind of BOTTOM. Because there are P&C readers who are not familiar with gay homosexual terminology, I must take a moment to explain. Most often, this label refers to sexual preferences. One guy is Flap A (the TOP) and the other is Slot B (the BOTTOM), if you will. Occasionally, relationship roles follow suit; the TOP being more butch and/or domineering and the BOTTOM more passive.

But wait, there’s more! The world of TOPS and BOTTOMS is much more colourful than that-literally. You may be familiar with the hanky codes. They are a very simple way to advertise your sexual preference and your status as either TOP or BOTTOM. If a handkerchief is placed in the left back pocket, you’re looking at a TOP. If a handkerchief is in the right, back pocket-a BOTTOM. But the fun doesn’t end there. The colour of the handkerchief advertises preferred sexual activities-what you’re into.

Mostly unrelated except that it’s hilarious and is all about what you're into.
Flight of the Conchords (Thank you LM for sending me the link!)


Hankies are a bit out of fashion these days, but you’ll still find the occasional old-school gay sporting one. Keep your eyes peeled. Maybe you’ll see one of the following:

Grey hankie: Left=Bondage top, Right=Likes to get tied up
Fuschia hankie: Left=spanker, Right=spankee
Coral hankie: Left=Looking for a toe-sucker, Right=toe sucker
Yellow with white stripe hankie: Left=likes Asian bottoms, Right=likes Asian tops

For everything else under the sun and some stuff you just didn’t want to know, be warned and click HERE.

I think we’re ready to reconstruct our phrase. DRAMA BOTTOM. One who (consciously or not) pursues drama or is attracted to drama and always seems to be in a place where drama is bestowed upon him or her. A person who irritates drama as opposed to defusing it. A willing victim of drama. A DRAMA TOP, therefore, is one who creates drama and inflicts it upon others.

As far as I know, there’s no handkerchief color that indicates that you are a DRAMA BOTTOM or DRAMA TOP. I suppose a handkerchief with the comedy and tragedy masks would be most appropriate.

There are a couple of DRAMA BOTTOM friends in our lives. They know who they are. We’ve discussed their lot in life on many occasions as we are often on the other end of the phone when our DRAMA BOTTOMS are calling us in crisis. Their situations are preventable or the solutions obvious but either delayed or ignored entirely.

All’s quiet on the Western front. The principle DRAMA BOTTOMS in our lives have settled down with partners and have been leading peaceful, humdrum lives. I wonder what’s going on? Is it age? Analysis? Meds? Will it last? Far be it from me to ask. Stirring it up would be DRAMA TOP behaviour. I’m going to let sleeping dogs lie, enjoy the quiet and follow sage advice. Leave the drama to your mama!