OMG

Sunday morning, I accepted an invitation to join a friend for a class in a 3 part series with our rabbi about parenting- Jewish style. How Yids Raise Kids. I’m pretty sure that’s not actually the name of the series. This morning’s theme was “Talking to your children about God”. A bit heavy at 9:15AM on a Sunday morning after the previous night’s dinner with friends which lasted until way-late o’clock. It was a rainy morning outside my house and a very foggy morning inside my head. At the end of the session, I can confidently report that I had no idea how to talk about God, God help me.

It’s not the rabbi’s fault that I did not leave with answers. I walked away realizing that I need to sort it out in my mind first before I can come up with God-Lite for my kids. Problem is, the older I get, the less I believe in God. That might not make me very popular, but if there’s a God, he, she or it forgives my doubt and respects my struggle. If it helps you sleep at night, you may pray for my eternal soul though I do believe there are many other souls in need of more urgent prayer.

So where does that leave this Jewish mom who is doing her best to provide a Jewish foundation and community for her kids? And what am I doing leading the family service on Shabbat for chrissake?

The rabbi guided us as best she could. We all agreed that God doesn’t have to be an old, bearded man controlling the world from his throne. Perhaps God is a force- intangible and greater than we are. My little brain hurts. Where are the bagels? What kind of God-loving synagogue offers a class at the crack of ass on a Sunday and doesn’t serve bagels? Clearly, there’s no God here. Every now and then when conversation turned to static haze, my mind wandered as I imagined the conversations yet to come.

“Mom, is there a God?” “What? Is your room clean!?”

“Mom, do you talk to God?” “Absolutely! I say, ‘God, keep my kids away from drugs, whores and reality television producers!’”

“Mom, can I be Jewish if I don’t believe in God?” “No! If they find out you don’t believe in God, they glue your foreskin back on with cement and you can never order Chinese food again!”

Um, NOT! I’m working on it. You’ll have to take my word for it that I do have a few slightly more thoughtful answers up my sleeve. The good news is that the Judaism to which I subscribe allows for a little artistic license when it comes to God. Love, nature, goodness in humankind, to name a few more abstract concepts of the The Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe. Still, God is a tough pill for me to swallow-whether it’s a dissolvable tablet or gel-coated capsule. No matter how it’s packaged, I can’t quite find the concept that works for me.

I came home from the session and played with the boys. They were both particularly cute, and I marvelled for a bit. Levi stomped around the house with a hat-sized cardboard box on his head for hours and pretended to be a Pirasaur. Apparently, that would be a dinosaur that says “Aaaaargh!” while winking his eye, matey! Asher insisted I capture a medley of song on the camera which reminded me that kids can commit many songs to memory without ever really understanding the words. I couldn’t bring myself to review the actual words for Baa Baa Black Sheep. I agree that sheep have a tendency to go on and on.

Video attached in case you are reading in an email. Go to blog to view.


During moments like these, emotion and awe swell inside until I’m shooting love beams out of every pore. Is that God? Some say love IS God. Some say love, it is a flower...

I don’t have to completely turn my back on my tribe because there’s so much more to being Jewish than the God part. But just in case anyone does threaten to confiscate all my Chinese food menus, I’ve done a little research. I’ve discovered the Belief-O-Matic Quiz that you can take HERE. Answer a few questions, and the major religions will be ranked for you based on your thoughts about religion and God. Turns out, I’d feel quite at home as a Secular Humanitarian, a Universal Unitarian or a Liberal Quaker but not so much as a Jehovah’s Witness. Reform Judaism made it into the top 10, and I can live with that. Care to share your results?

The theme of our next session is all about talking to kids about death. That should be a laugh-riot. I’d better pick up a bagel before I get there. Don’t want to spend my morning depressed AND hungry.