“You know if I write about you, Mark, I’m going to have to take the piss.” He just stared back at me blankly. Was he not paying attention? I could tell that he had not registered a word I said, and he had this goofy grin on his face. At first I attributed the silly stare to his being Canadian. (Oh, take off, you hoser!)
But his Canadian wife is incredibly sharp and has never looked as though her brain had been sucked out of her ears. She explained that her husband often looks that way and that he was one of those rare few individuals who could, in fact, think about nothing. “It’s that small peanut brain twirling around like one of those plastic ballerinas inside a little girl’s music box,” she explained. “I always imagine that circus tune playing (Entrance of the Gladiators-I Googled it) as the peanut just spins around in his head whenever he’s processing. He’s a simple man. Go ahead. Write something. I give you my blessing.”
My friends are a funny bunch. “Funny – ha ha or funny – peculiar?” Well, both frankly. I don’t think they’d be able to appreciate my sense of humour if they were not funny themselves or if they didn’t have a bit of the quirk about them. I’m not a good match for people who take themselves or the world too seriously. So, I appreciate my friends for putting up with me and understanding that behind my rude, inappropriate and juvenile comments, there’s a kind person who really does love all people, but loves a good laugh even more.
All of this to say that I know Mark’s eyes were wide open when he asked to be featured here in such a manner. Appreciate please the following snapshots of Mark which were taken on that very evening and which I choose to publish because he asked for it.
See Mark draw. Mark is an international lawyer who has lived all over the world and speaks about 32 languages (give or take). He is a veritable Odysseus of travel and adventure, and is more than willing to share his fantastic tales with friends. Well, I think they’re fantastic tales though I have yet to listen to a story from start to finish. In spite of legal training and talents, Mark has always been an illustrator at heart-one who illustrates with his heart. He allows himself to be vulnerable; exposing his soul on paper. See Mark’s soul:
Like many artists, Mark is also a spiritual man. When an artist captures an emotion that is profoundly beautiful, when an image reaches out of the canvas and touches our hearts, even those who have turned their backs on God must consider divine intervention. Mark’s artistry can only be explained by the presence of something greater than humankind. It would not surprise you, therefore, that Mark has been studying with the Hasids for the past 18 months. He’s has dedicated his life – or about 15 minutes a day – to explore the teachings of Jewish mysticism. Until he has completed a requisite number of hours of study and prayer, he’s only allowed hair extensions as payot. See Mark celebrate Jewish mysticism:
Some say that birds of a feather flock together. Mark and I don’t have much in common, it has to be said. I’m not very artistic, nor am I spiritual. Also, I am not Canadian. We do enjoy getting our drink on, however, and we both think his wife is a hottie. Is that foundation enough to secure our friendship forever? I don’t see why not. Sometimes, when the world seems a dreadful place filled with tragedy and sorrow, we could all benefit from letting off a little steam, getting silly with friends and discovering our inner peanuts. Cue Entrance of the Gladiators.
Let this be a warning to anyone else who wants their names in lights...or pixels...just for the sake of it. I write for my own entertainment – not yours.
14 comments:
This was absolutely hilarious....hahahaha.
butt man was great!
This should serve as a warning to the rest of your friends and can also be used as evidence to support that old adage, "Be careful what you wish for".
Frankly, Mark sounds great! He looks adorable in the pictures. And he has beautiful hands (even as he is doing wicked things with them). ;-)
Deborah, what a fun, witty tour de force.
you're funny, adorable and i love you
Devashan does payot now? ;)
That wasn't a post, it was a crucifixion, poor guy. But... he did ask.
looked as though her brain had been sucked out of her ears - I thought you were talking about Australians there.
AV
Excellent skewering of the Canadian gentleman. You do keep some queer company!
I thought it was a vagina. Oh well, what do I know.. xoxo
Enjoyed reading your blog. Liked the hair lol.Kas
http://southernbellaswaystosave.blogspot.com/
so glad we could all have a laugh at someone else's expense. happy to report that mark and i are STILL friends. clearly, the peanut is still spinning.
thanks so much for all the comments. you people are funny.
OH man... that little picture... I'm still laughing!
Just also wanted to add that I just read that part about the art and showed the picture to my husband, who said, "How did he DO that??" and is now trying to replicate it on graph paper. Oh man. I'm a lucky gal.
It took me a week to respond to this outrageous slander because I have been consulting with my attorney as to my legal options to counter this vicious public attack, as well as damages for the unsolicited nipple pinches that I suffered from the author of this Peach and Coconut blog while eating my chicken au jus. When my lawyer stops laughing, he'll call me.
In the meantime, I feel the need to respond and defend my honor (note the American spelling used throughout).
First, it is not true that I can actually think about nothing. In those moments when it seems like my mind is a vortex of nothingness, I am reciting lines from The Godfather (the book) to myself.
Second, the photo of Bob and Doug McKenzie embedded in the blog unfairly suggests that I am a beer-drinking, donut-eating, touque-wearing, “eh”-saying buffoon. This is outrageous. I almost never use the word "eh" in my speech. I was taught the Queen's English, and speak accordingly.
Third, you complain that I never finish my stories, but it is not my fault that my Camp Meningitis story (picture this: 40 guys from an all-boys high school travel to Europe for two weeks of debauchery end up being quarantined in the Frankfurt Airport gymnasium with meningitis and then flown home on a Canadian air force Hercules airplane). What was I saying? Oh yeah, someone who will remain nameless (Gabriella!) strayed me off topic when she started talking about how great the Sicilian accents were in The Godfather (the movie). I simply segued into another discussion and offered to finish the story I had started. Strangely, no one remembered (must have been the 20 bottles of wine that were consumed in rapid succession).
I will, however, confirm that my wife is both hot and brilliant. The latter quality certainly comes from her time in the enriched program in grade 8 in Mount Forest, Ontario when she and 3 other students were sequestered in a supply closet and played Dungeons and Dragons for extra credit. In fact, my wife's brilliance was on display this weekend at our cottage when I was cooking up some hot dogs on the BBQ and complaining that I did not like the green kind of relish, preferring instead the yellow "hot dog" relish that comes in those stubby little jars. Mrs. Mount Forest Public School Enriched Graduate said "why don't you just mix mustard with the green relish and you'll get the kind of relish you like?". Incredibly, it worked. Unbefuckinglievable...37 years of life and I'm still learning.
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