Fooey! The FreezeFoe failed. Fank you…I mean thank you to all who voted – especially those who thought it was a stupid idea but you wanted to help me out without having to fork over any cash. I appreciate it. Before I give up hope entirely and vow never to solicit you again for FreezeFoe votes, I’m going to give it one more go. The folks at Quirky were kind enough to email me and beg me to resubmit the FreezeFoe. Well, in my mind, they were begging. I told them to get up off their virtual knees and stop groveling. It wasn’t pretty. “Yes, yes, I’ll do it just to see you stop demeaning yourselves in such a pathetic manner.” Besides, I’ve got nothing to lose and scraps of food to gain for my small children.
So, watch out. Saturday, September 19 at 07:29PM ET it begins again. This time, it’s personal. I’ll be calling on you once again to see if we can’t get this little thingamabob on the market.
In the meantime, the resume is almost ready, and I’ve just about shoved the last drops of self-doubt and immobilizing fear into the dark recesses of my brain. Occasionally, I experience a moment of terror, and I imagine pawning my wedding ring, selling our art and cashing in on the pittance of savings we’ve somehow managed not to touch-all in the name of hiding out in my little house instead of going on interviews.
Then there’s always the road. No, not the Cormac McCarthy book about the apocalypse though sometimes I feel like I’m living it. I mean the road of comedy. I told my sister Rachel we should take our act on the road. A gay, straight, mommy sister act! Clearly, there’s a gap in the market. Desperate, I know. You don’t need to tell me. She asked me why I wouldn’t take Gabriella. We could be the George Burns, Gracie Allen, gay, mommy, Italian, Jewish couple act. I’m unaware of much competition in that arena. But Gabriella's hell is being on stage, and she would absolutely never open her mouth. She would be the Teller to my Penn or the Harpo to my Groucho if I gave her a horn. There’s a hooter joke in there somewhere. And who would watch the boys? No, Rachel is the obvious choice. I’ll be working on our set once the resume is finished.
Ah, how the mind wanders when one is supposed to be searching for a job. The Goldstein Sisters are unlikely to be performing at a comedy club near you any time soon. It was at the BlogHer conference this year that I realized that my jokes are best delivered at a dinner party with close friends who have had one too many glasses of wine. It could not have been more clear than when of the lady-loving-ladies at BlogHer put me up to doing this Tropicana sponsored video podcast where bloggers offered tips for good living. We were asked to speak for a minute about a variety of subjects from nutrition to friendships to staycations. “Do it, Deborah! Represent the lesbian moms! Our voices must be heard!” How could I refuse?
So HERE, in my accidental Jane Lynch imitation, is my lesbian mom voice sharing my tip for making easy breakfasts. Let our voices join together as we teach the world that we are all one and that LESBIAN MOMS MAKE BREAKFAST, TOO!
And now for the real deal.