The gays of Who-ville

It’s been a week now since the march, and it already seems like ages ago. It could be because we spent the march in glorious, sunny heat and returned to wintry cold. It’s as cold as a witch’s tit in a brass bra over here. Even though we can’t afford heat, we caved and cranked it on as soon as we could see our breath inside our own house. It must have been the cold that also prevented my fingers from moving nimbly enough across the keyboard to share with you my thoughts on the march. Still cold outside, but I can feel my fingers.

If a gay protests in the middle of DC, and there’s no one there to hear it, does the gay make a sound?

There were 200,000 marchers in Washington DC fighting to uphold the 14th Amendment. You know the one. That’s the amendment that requires states to provide equal protection under the law to all citizens of this great nation. There we were, masses of people of all ages and colors and backgrounds united in the fight to for civil rights, and yet I couldn’t help feeling like a Who in Who-ville making all sorts of ruckus on top of a weed to an audience of none. Who is our Horton? Moses led the Jews out of Egypt. Lincoln supported the abolition of slavery. Who is fighting our fight from the inside? Who is even listening to us? Lady Gaga? Difficult to tell how moved she is by our struggle…she’s got such a poker face. (insert groan for bad pun here)

Incidentally, Poker Face is a song about fantasizing about a woman while sleeping with a man.


I’m glad we were there, and I’d do it again, but after marching down Pennsylvania Avenue and in front of the White House and arriving at The Capitol, I couldn’t help thinking, “Is that it?” I tried to get swept up in the excitement of the day, I really did. It’s highly possible that pushing a stroller with 2 tired kids demanding Pirate’s Booty the entire time prevented us from taking in the full scale of the march. (Pirate’s Booty is a cheese-puff type of snack-not a euphemism for some sort of salacious, gay role play activity). Could it be that blondes AND childless marchers have more fun?

Though we were positioned towards the front of the march, we were far from chanters, drummers or bullhorns. We wanted to get swept up in a bit of energetic passion, but the gays in our section simply didn’t bring it. Surfing the web the next day, I ran across blog after blog entry posted by excited marchers who thought that the National Equality March was one of the single most significant and powerful moments of their lives. Were we at the same march?

Even the protestors were uninspired. I could count the protestors on the sidewalks on one hand. There was this lone truck circling the capital, and no one could be bothered to flip the bird or even wave a rainbow flag in the driver’s general direction.

I remember marching on Washington in 2004 for reproductive rights. I was overwhelmed by the numbers of people and electricity in the air. Let’s do a little march comparison, shall we?

Civil Rights March on Washington 1963
The event included musical performances by Marian Anderson; Joan Baez; Bob Dylan; Mahalia Jackson; Peter, Paul, and Mary; and Josh White. Artists participated such as Charlton Heston, Harry Belafonte, Marlon Brando, Diahann Carroll, Ossie Davis, Sammy Davis Jr., Lena Horne, Paul Newman and Sidney Poitier.
The speakers included all of the "Big Six" civil-rights leaders (James Farmer, who was imprisoned in Louisiana at the time, had his speech read by Floyd McKissick); Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish religious leaders; and labor leader Walter Reuther. The one female speaker was Josephine Baker, who introduced several "Negro Women Fighters for Freedom," including Rosa Parks. And of course, Martin Luther King, Jr.

March for Reproductive Rights 2004 750,000 people!
Celebrity speakers and marchers included actors Whoopi Goldberg, Susan Sarandon, Kathleen Turner, Cybill Shepherd and Ashley Judd, as well as singers Ani DiFranco, Moby and the Indigo Girls. The heads of the seven main sponsoring organizations—the National Organization for Women, Planned Parenthood, the National Abortion Rights Action League, the Black Women’s Health Imperative, the American Civil Liberties Union, the Feminist Majority, and the National Latina Institute for Reproductive Health. A host of Democratic Party politicians such as Senator Hillary Clinton, Senator Barbara Boxer and former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright also joined.

National Equality March 2009
Entertainers Billie Myers, David Koz and the Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington DC. Speakers included Stuart Applebaum, Richard Aviles, Jarret Barrios, Dustin Lance Black, Julian Bond, Marsha Botzer, Christine Chavez, Stacey Ann Chin, Lt. Dan Choi, Kate Clinton, Tanner Efinger, Aiyi’nah Ford, Michael Huffington, Kim Coco Iwamoto, Cleve Jones, Robin McGehee, David Mixner, Nicole Murray Ramirez, Chloe Noble, Tobias Packer, Reverend Troy Perry, NYC Council Speaker Christine C. Quinn, LA Council Member Bill Rosendahl, Babs Siperstein, Judy Shepard, Maxim Thorn, Urvashi Vaid, Derek Washington, Falls Church City Council Member Lawrence Webb, Kit Yan, Kip Williams, Sherry Wolf.

I don’t mean to imply that the speakers at NEM were not important people in their own right. The speeches delivered that day were eloquent and moving. But compare the rosters, and you’ll come to the same conclusion I did. This was not a mainstream event, and it should have been. Where were all the heavy hitters? Why weren’t the celebrities and politicians lining up to have their say? Where were all the Americans who care about civil rights?

Focusing on marriage is a distraction. Do we think the only way we’ll attain equal rights is through the backdoor? Steady gays. But ok, if I’m going to go down the double entendre path, let’s stop beating around the bush! Stop pussy-footing around the issue! We should be demanding equal rights full stop. Perhaps the time is not right. It's possible that things have to get worse before they get better. Obama would not have been elected if not for Bush. I guess that means things have to get pretty bad.

In front of the Lincoln Memorial, we did not tell Asher that we were marching so that we could get married. We were marching to demand equality for every person in this country. Once there were slaves in the United States, and President Lincoln wanted all people to be free and equal. Abraham Lincoln was also a Jew-lover, too (though I did not use those words with my almost 6 year old). He was outspoken about his intolerance for bigotry of all kinds regardless of how unpopular his objectivity may have been. Such a mensch. So, does President Obama have Lincoln’s moxy to stand up for civil rights over prejudice, or will he turn his back on equality? I think I know the answer, and unfortunately I’m not surprised. We might have to wait until Malia comes out of the closet.
During the drive home, my non-wife of 15 years and I debriefed. We felt good about participating. We were proud to have represented families whose marching days are restricted because marches are not very family-friendly. “How was your march?” asked friends as if we had just come back from apple picking. Our march? Herein lies the problem. Why is this my issue and not my neighbour’s? This fight is not a gay fight. The right to marry is not about the right to register for china. It’s about protection and equality under the law. We need more Whos and more Hortons and fewer sour kangaroos. I wonder when enough of us will rally to save Who-ville.

This testimony was given during a hearing on Maine's marriage equality bill on April 22, 2009. Nearly 4,000 people attended the hearing, with marriage equality supporters out-numbering the opposition 4 to 1. Thanks JLF for the link!