I am morah

I don’t quite know how it happened. Well that’s not entirely true. It would be more accurate to say that I’m still in a state of disbelief that it happened. As of next week, I will be our synagogue’s new Sunday school teacher. I’ll be influencing the impressionable minds of seven year olds who are in search of a connection to Judaism, an understanding of God and an acceptable explanation why they must sacrifice a precious weekend day when they could be watching television in their pajamas until noon while their parents try to sleep.

If my mother knew, she’d plotz. She’d run outside the house to see if clouds were melting over treetops or if single payer healthcare reform had been approved – both clear signs that either the world was ending or someone had slipped a couple of acid tabs into her tea. It would be inconceivable to her that a synagogue in the Conservative sect of Judaism would hire some sociopath to spread sacrilege and blasphemy to Jewish children. Of course, we already know that my mother is a bit off, but her shock may not be entirely unjustified in this case.

I grew up within the Conservative movement-wow, what a crappy name. The label originally reflected the conservation of Judaism as opposed to an alignment with politically conservative ideals. Time for a rebrand, I say. Gee, I wonder if there are any Jews in PR or advertising... That being said, Conservative Judaism does lean towards the traditional, and it’s impossible to ignore all the God stuff. I have an attenuated relationship with tradition, and I have zero relationship with God.

Are you suddenly relieved that your child is not receiving religious instruction from me? Or are you one of my local readers who is now terrified that your child might actually be in my class? Me too! I never liked your kid, anyway. No! I’m not talking about YOUR kid...

The good news is I will not be introducing Atheism to my Kitah Bet class (2nd grade class). I need a job, and I’m certainly not going to bite the God-loving hand that feeds me! And, in spite of my own uncertainty of a few teachings, I do believe that Jewish children should learn the foundations. Like classical ballet is to modern dance and piano scales are to jazz, you’ve got to understand the basics. The basics (the traditions, the holidays, the rituals, the language) are the basics that connect us as a people-regardless of what the people believe.

Luckily, there is a place in Conservative Judaism for questions. The questions and the search for the answers connect us, too. I’m thinking that we’re all going to learn quite a bit from each other this year. Of course, I’m still a wee bit nervous. I don’t have any formal training in education or child development. I’ll have the support of the faculty and lots of reference books to study, and of course God will be with me though I might not notice. I have a week to brush up on my Hebrew and plan my class. The JLC Director (Jewish Learning Center - Y2K speak for Hebrew School) continues to field all my questions to assure me that I'm on the right path.

Deborah: “How should the kids refer to me?”

JLC Director: “All the teachers use the title Morah or Moreh and their first names. You can use your Hebrew name if you want, or you could go by Deborah. Your Hebrew name is Devorah (pron. de VO rah), yes?”

D: “Yes. Hmmmm. Morah Deborah or Morah Devorah? I’ve got to go for the rhyme. Morah Devorah it is! Kind of catchy, no? Morah – Devorah! We’re gonna do the horah…after studying some Torah. You’ll be begging me for more-a. I’m Morah Devorah!”

JLC D: “I think you’ll do just fine.”

I may be cynical, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be silly. Watch out Kitah Bet! I’m coming for you!!