Diverse and perverse

The Diversity Fair at Asher’s elementary school is next month. It’s an annual event hosted by our PTA. Sadly, this year’s volunteer organizer is a friend. It’s not that I am sad that she is our friend, mind you. I’m sad that we have been roped into human-ing not one but two Diversity Tables where we will represent whichever flavour of society needs representing. Normally, I would just say manning tables, but since it is Diversity Day, I feel the need to be uber correct.

Diverse Friend: We need someone to sit at the Gay Table. I figured since you’re our resident Lezzy Nominee, you should be there.

SHAMELESS PLUG TO CONTINUE YOUR NOMINATION EFFORTS HERE

Deborah: Uh huh. What other tables are going to be there?

DF: We’ve got people representing Germany, Norway, Haiti, England, China, Trinidad, the UK...

D: And Gays? When did we become a People? Just because we have a flag... I could dig out the ol’ skull and cross-bones and sit behind the Pirate Table. Aargh, matey! Or what about Scuba Divers? They have a recognizable flag...well, I guess if you’re a scuba diver anyway. Does that make them a People deserving of representation at The Diversity Fair?

DF: It’s not just country tables. We’re representing different cultures and families. We have a table representing Adoption, African-American families, Special Needs...

D: Ok, ok. What do I have to do?

DF: Generally a table is decorated to reflect the diversity. A lot people have pictures or literature.

D: You want me to pass out photos of what we really do in bed? I can do that.

DF: I’m ignoring you. You could have gay-friendly books for kids on display.

D: I’m sure we have a couple of those “I’m ok, you’re ok” – type books lying around somewhere.

DF: If you can’t find any, I’ll give you some of ours. Each table will have an easy craft or game for the kids because the entertainment really boils down to the activities at each table.

D: Hmm, a gay craft. What DO our People like to do?

DF: I’m sure I don’t want to know what you have in mind. Also, try to provide candy or some finger food.

D: Finger food? Why do you hand me these things? Why, I had a girlfriend once I affectionately referred to as Finger Food. Wonder if she’s available that day. That would be entertaining. Well, if I’m really going to represent the lesbians, I’ll make it potluck, and I’ll ask everyone to bring their own vegetarian option to our table.

DF: You’re representing girls AND boys.

D: Right. Rainbow colored Skittles should suffice.

DF: Try to find some inexpensive give-aways, too.

D: Like dental damns? They come in all sorts of flavors these days…I’ve been told.

DF: Like the glow-stick bracelets we handed out last year.

D: Oh.

DF: We don’t have anyone hosting the Italian Table. Would Gabriella do it?

D: I’m sure she’ll be thrilled. She’ll hand out Pope on a Rope Soap with a slice of pizza.
DF: Just be at the Cafetorium at 11:45 for set up.

I had to find a way of getting Cafetorium in there. That is, in fact, what the school calls their multi-purpose room, and I know there are a number of parents who shnort and giggle every time they hear the word. You know who you are, neighbours! It’s the kind of word you just can’t take to the streets because no one will know what the hell you’re saying. But we families of Ye Ol’ Diverse School know that the Cafetorium is where the magic happens. And on the day of The Diversity Fair, Gabriella and I will try to conjure up some Queer, Dego Magic of our own.