Stupid arguments lesbians have

Deborah: Bye, Gabriella. Have a good day at w....ARE YOU WEARING MY BOOTS?!?

Gabriella: I’m walking to the shuttle, and it’s cold outside.

D: What am I supposed to wear?

G: You’ve got the car. You don’t need winter boots.

D: Yes I do! My feet are always cold especially in this house. This happens every season. You realize you don’t have the appropriate foot wear, and you help yourself to mine.

G: Is that a problem?

D: Well yes it is. I have delicate, narrow feet and you....well you are going to stretch out my boots and they won’t fit me anymore. And you didn’t even ask.

G: FINE!! I’m going to take them off and then I’ll miss my train.

D: Forget it. Just wear them.

G: If you’re going to be like that, I’m taking them off.

D: Oh no you don’t! Don’t go stomping upstairs to change. I said wear them.

D: You’re stomping the stairs!! If you miss your train, don’t blame ME!

G: There! Are you happy?

D: You’re wearing another pair of my boots.

G: They've got those reinforced toes. They won't stretch.

D: They look much better with your sweater anyway.

G: I’m leaving.

D: Fine. Those boots do look much better.

G: Whatever.

Three days later.

G: Oh, I forgot to tell you about that morning you made me change my boots.

D: Someone told you they liked your boots, didn’t they?

G: No. I got to the shuttle stop late.

D: Yes, I know. I made you fashionably late-literally.

G: And this woman drove up and stopped the car and asked me if I needed I ride.

D: Is this where I’m supposed to cue the 70s porn movie soundtrack? That boum-chicka-boum of yesteryear? Let me guess. You got in her car, stripped down naked leaving only your hot boots on, of course, and then fogged up the windows of the Lexus for an early morning romp on heated leather seats?

G: Um, no. She was a lovely woman who realized I had missed my shuttle and offered to take me to the train station. We chatted a bit, and it turns out, she’s a very good friend of Matt Shminkler, Editor in Chief at Shmoomberg. What a great connection!

D: You’re welcome.

G: Thank you.