What's for dinner?

Spoiler Alert: As in, this blog and its accompanying photo may spoil your appetite.

Last Friday, we joined our friends, JerriLynn and David (aka Cupcake), for dinner in the city. For vegan food. We agreed to eat on the earlier side of evening because our lovely friend JerriLynn of JLGoesVegan had to be on a plane at the crack of ass the next morning.

“Hey Gabriella,” I said during horrific rush hour traffic on the way in to the city. (Gabriella loves driving no matter what the conditions and refused to take the train.) “Assuming we make it there on time, an early dinner is great, right? If we’re still hungry after our kale chips, we can go get sushi!”

It’s not that I doubted. Ok, maybe I doubted. I knew the food would be good and maybe even great, but I didn’t know if I would feel satiated. This girl likes to E-A-T!

“Do you think there will be alcohol there?” I asked

“Probably. How else can anyone enjoy a vegan meal?” Gabriella answered jokingly. Sort of.

The traffic was excruciating. Thankfully, we had various mobile devices to contact our very patient friends with travel updates while they sat boozing it up at Candle 79. We usually make very good time driving into the city. I went into labor in New Jersey, and we sailed into Manhattan on a Saturday night in plenty of time to squeeze out a kid.

Speaking of squeezing out a kid AND veganism…yes, I’m that good that I can tie these two topics together in a neat little bow…we got into a very interesting conversation at the restaurant.

“So JerriLynn. Is eating placenta considered non-vegan?”

Now, I have never eaten placenta. Nor have I ever wondered if placenta tastes more like mussels or mahi mahi or if it is best served with a Chardonnay or Pinot Noir. I am not aware of anyone in my social circle who has eaten placenta though they may very well have. But, when you (meaning I) have a toe or two in the crunchy-granola world, you hear tell.

At first JL thought eating placenta might be an affront to veganism considering the fact that placenta is an animal bi-product. But I think we decided that eating your own placenta did not foster a cruel exploitation of yourself and is, therefore, vegan. I say I think because I also think I was on my 2nd vodka on the rocks. I’ve recently given up the fancy mixed drinks. I find that as I get older, mixers just get in the way.

When I gave birth to Asher, I recall catching a glimpse of the placenta. I didn’t think much of it after 33 ½ hours of labor, a drug-free birth and blowing my anus out of my ass. And I was angry. Nobody told me that after surviving birth I was going to have to push out my placenta, too. After Levi’s birth however, our midwife asked, “Would you like to see your placenta? There’s a reason why it’s called “The Tree of Life.” It’s quite amazing.” I didn’t know if or when we might have another opportunity, and I was high from giving birth and all, so I said ‘yes.’ And while I absolutely agree that the placenta is amazing and even strangely beautiful, I did not once wonder what it would taste like.

Tree Of Life (The placenta turned inside-out)

Gabriella sent me an email this past Monday with a link to an article published the on the previous Sunday about The San Francisco Food Adventure club. They devoted one evening of adventurous eating to placentophagy (definition in article: "the postpartum process of eating the expelled organ that connects the developing fetus to the uterine wall." Ew). The article is fascinating, actually, covering the nutritional and emotional benefits of placentophagy in various countries around the globe, but I couldn’t help gagging on the back of my tongue while I was reading it. I wonder if placenta tastes like the back of my ton…Gnnggh…I just did it again.

On a less gagoriphic note, if you do go to Candle 79, you will not find placenta on the menu, but you will have a fantastic meal, and you will not be hungry later. I wonder if you eat vegan Chinese food, you’re still hungry later.


Sung to the tune of Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off (George Gershwin)

I say “placenta,”
and you say, “Delicious!”
I say, “It’s vegan,” and you say, “Can we just…
     have some
         with butter
             and maybe
                   another-“
Let’s have placenta tonight.